Friday, December 23 2005

9:55am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 47.7 %, Average: 14.3 %
9:55am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 5.0 %, Average: 3.1 %

QOTD:
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all of the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Thursday, December 22 2005

9:50am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 15.7 %, Average: 11.5 %
9:50am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 7.7 %, Average: 3.7 %

QOTD:
You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail. Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them. They last forever, largely because nobody ever eats them. In fact, many smart people save the fruitcakes they receive and send them back to the original givers the next year; some fruitcakes have been passed back and forth for hundreds of years.

The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.

Wednesday, December 21 2005

12:50pm Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 23.2 %, Average: 18.0 %
12:50pm Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 6.2 %, Average: 4.4 %

QOTD:
Aquavit is also considered useful for medicinal purposes, an essential ingredient in what I was once told is the Norwegian cure for the common cold. You get a bottle, a poster bed, and the brightest colored stocking cap you can find. You put the cap on the post at the foot of the bed, then get into bed and drink aquavit until you can't see the cap. I've never tried this, but it sounds as though it should work.

Tuesday, December 20 2005

9:10am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 18.6 %, Average: 18.0 %
9:10am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 6.7 %, Average: 4.4 %

QOTD:
Information Center, n.:

A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.

Monday, December 19 2005

9:35am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 23.7 %, Average: 13.4 %
9:35am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 6.8 %, Average: 2.9 %

QOTD:
I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.

Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.

Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.

Friday, December 16 2005

1:20pm Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 64.4 %, Average: 65.8 %
1:20pm Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 11.9 %, Average: 11.7 %

QOTD:
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.

Thursday, December 15 2005

10:00am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 79.3 %, Average: 73.8 %
10:00am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 11.6 %, Average: 13.3 %

QOTD:

Accidents cause History.

Wednesday, December 14 2005

9:40am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 83.7 %, Average: 77.3 %
9:40am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 14.6 %, Average: 13.5 %

QOTD:
A debugged program is one for which you have not yet found the conditions that make it fail.

Tuesday, December 13 2005

10:00am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 77.0 %, Average: 74.3 %
10:00am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 22.4 %, Average: 14.9 %

QOTD:
Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.

Monday, December 12 2005

11:35am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 86.7 %, Average: 63.8 %
11:35am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 17.8 %, Average: 12.1 %

QOTD:
Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.

Friday, December 9 2005

4:10pm Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 84.1 %, Average: 76.5 %
4:10pm Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 17.0 %, Average: 15.9 %

QOTD:
The King and his advisor are overlooking the battle field:

King: "How goes the battle plan?"
Advisor: "See those little black specks running to the right?"
K: "Yes."
A: "Those are their guys. And all those little red specks running to the left are our guys. Then when they collide we wait till the dust clears."
K: "And?"
A: "If there are more red specks left than black specks, we win."
K: "But what about the ^#!!$% battle plan?"
A: "So far, it seems to be going according to specks."

Thursday, December 8 2005

12:45pm Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 84.2 %, Average: 70.5 %
12:45pm Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 20.2 %, Average: 15.1 %

QOTD:
When one knows women one pities men, but when one studies men, one excuses women.

Wednesday, December 7 2005

12:35pm Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 87.7 %, Average: 73.7 %
12:35pm Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 20.9 %, Average: 15.1 %

QOTD:
No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.

Tuesday, December 6 2005

10:25am Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 90.8 %, Average: 74.8 %
10:25am Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 19.6 %, Average: 14.4 %

QOTD:
There is is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.

Monday, December 5 2005

4:35pm Current Inbound Bandwidth usage: 87.8 %, Average: 72.8 %
4:35pm Current Outbound Bandwidth usage: 25.8 %, Average: 14.3 %

QOTD:
Snacktrek, n.:

The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.